Home » I’ll get straight to the point…

I’ll get straight to the point…

While I am driving, something of which I do a fair bit, I listen to the radio as I find it a constant source of fascination and intrigue that goes way beyond the programme’s subject. Take for instance the people who call talk shows.

“Hi Tim, I just want to say I am a first time caller…”

Could this be next? “Hi Tim, I just want to say this is my 43rd time of calling – or is it my 44th? Do you remember that time you kept me on hold, I didn’t actually go on air but I spoke to you? Does that make me a 44 timeth caller – I mean does it count if I didn’t actually speak on air? Anyway 43 or 44 times, who cares, what I want to talk about is…uh….. hello… Tim… Tim are you still there?”

Or, “Hi Mike, I am a 103rd time caller.”
“That’s great – welcome to the show, what do you want to talk about?”
“Well nothing really. I just wanted to be a 103rd time caller. Cheers”

And the callers who say, “I’ll get straight to the point…”? Oh really? Isn’t that a bit self-defeating; like asking where the Do-It-Your-Self section is? Aren’t you digressing before you start?

I also enjoy the, “John, I’ll be perfectly honest with you”, brigade. They obviously feel they have to state when they are being honest. Because if they didn’t, would we think they were lying? This could lead to an interesting style of social discourse – “I’ll be sternly serious with you…or, I am going to be hysterically funny; brainlessly stupid; cantankerously cross; intelligently clever; tearfully sad”, or whatever label best describes how you are going to be. “Hello John, I’ll be mischievously irreverent, cynically sarcastic and just a touch sardonic with you, as I get straight to the point….”

If I stood up in a restaurant and loudly broadcast to all and sundry, “Hi I’m David and I just want to say hello to Cathy sitting next to me and anyone else who might know me”. I would, at the very least, be guilty of rude and intrusive behaviour in a public place. Yet it happens all the time on the radio; and how more public a place can you find than the airwaves? It really mystifies me why people call a radio station, to say hello to the person they are sitting next to. “I just want to say Hi to Jackie who shares my office with me and also to all the other people I work with.” Wouldn’t it be easier to simply lean over and say “Hello”, to Jackie as she sits in the office. Shouldn’t you be working?

Being a bit anal, I have always found telling someone that I love them, extremely difficult; especially when the object of my desire, is actually within earshot. So to broadcast affection through the ether, for me, is quite literally the communication equivalent of hell. Yet there are those romantic individuals who feel the need to declare their undying love across the airwaves – “I just want to tell Carol that I love her deeply, with all my heart and soul, and I can’t wait to see her tonight.” What do you suppose these romantics classify as an intimate conversation?

Of course the callers are not the only peculiar people who inhabit the airwaves. Some programme hosts can leave one breathless, with the mindless banality they sprout. No doubt they think someone out there is listening? I’m embarrassed to say, I quite often am. I could of course just turn off the radio; but some of them are so bad, they have actually elevated their rubbish-speak into an art-form. And so on I listen, mesmerised like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Don’t you marvel at those presenters who shriek with laughter at their every utterance? (Seems to be a morning show phenomenon.) It must be a wonderful attribute to be able to amuse yourself with such ease. Some of them get so hysterical at their own wit, you feel they might – mercifully? – implode with excitement. That of course, would be funny!

Anyway enough of that. Let me now be perfectly honest with you, and get straight to the point….